shiraphant: (rainbow eye)
James' mum. *shakes head*

Basically I'm using large chunks of a conversation I had with [livejournal.com profile] apiphile shortly after this all happened, because there's so much to type. There'll be some background in there also.

Over the past few years, she's insulted me in many ways - almost always when James was not in the room, though that didn't mean he couldn't hear it. She has: tl;dr list of ways in which she has insulted me over the past few years )

And all this while acting all sweetness and light when other people were around. There's been other stuff, but that list is more than long enough. I tolerated this shit for James' sake but eventually I had had enough, and he agreed that I shouldn't have to put up with it. I'd never have taken that behaviour from anyone else for so long.

epic tl;dr, like Icelandic saga-type-length, of the SHOWDOWN and BANISHMENT )

I phoned them half an hour or so later to see if he was still there. They said *she* was but he had left five or ten minutes before, so I went out to look for him and he was huddled in a corner by our front door.

the really frightening bit where I was more scared than at any other time in my life )

His mum sent him the money for the cab the other day. I said I didn't want her fucking money but James pointed out it was our money anyway. He's said he doesn't know if he will ever want to speak to her again, and he definitely doesn't want to right now. He's just amazed that she showed herself to be such a nasty, bigoted, hypocritical, lying, wilfully ignorant bitch. I am very very glad he had the strength of mind to overcome his conditioning and realise that she isn't the person he always believed she was. He was already believing it intellectually, but I don't think he would have got it on a visceral level without witnessing her attack on me, where he was left thinking something like "I don't know who the hell this awful person is that you're talking about but it's certainly not my wife, she is none of these things."

we phoned his sister )

The aggravating thing is, she has never displayed this behaviour except in tiny, non-noticeable-if-you're-not-wise-to-the-tricks-of-abusers ways, to anyone else. My sister, mum and some friends who have been in abusive situations spotted what she was up to very early on, but people in general think I must be making it up, which is of course what abusers want everyone to think.

I can handle being hated by his whole family because of lies. What I am worried about is the years it will take to fix my husband from the damage she's done. I am grateful that he's realised and accepted what a toxic bitch his mum is, but it's a hell of a thing to realise and it'll take him a long time to process it and really be ok. Thank god we never have to deal with her shit again. I am so relieved he's chosen to stand up for me, but I hate that he's been put in this position.

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shiraphant

December 2010

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